Saturday, December 8, 2007
God's Wealth is circulating in my (our) life. God's Wealth flows to me (us) and through me (us) in avalanches of Abundance. All my (our) needs, desires and goals are instantly met, because I am (we are) one with God, and God is my (our) infinite and abundant supply, and God is everything.
on june 8, 2002, i finally walked out on a 10-year sick marriage that wasn't really a marriage in the real sense. at that time, i had my three young kids-- aged 9, 4 and 2-- to take care of on my own as the ex was on belligerent status with support, and saddled with heavy marital debts. knowing him, i cut a quick deal with the ex: "i take the kids, the house and all the debts, you just take the car and leave." of course, he was quick to take the offer.
it has been a long, hard, uphill climb just to get back on my feet again, especially during the first two years. i turned nights into days taking on any extra freelance writing work i could get, just to keep body and soul and my children together. at one point, i almost gave up. one night, after calculating my budget again and seeing how the ends could never possibly meet through my own efforts alone. i looked at my sleeping children contemplating how it might be like if i just put us all to sleep, for good.
thank God i fell asleep (naturally) while contemplating that unnatural thought. that darkest night of my Soul made me finally realize, though, that even if i might have hit rock bottom, my children haven't seemed to have realized and felt it yet, as they remained happy and loving and bright. (throughout the long struggle, i consciously made a supreme effort to keep my fears and anxieties to my self, and stuck my chin up and put up a brave, bold, cheerful, hopeful face with them.)
it struck me then that maybe, it was really just all in the mind-- in my mind particularly. even if we had very little money, they lived happily and healthily with me, so why should i still cling to my fears and worries? times maybe tight but we didn't have to live with tight faces and behaviors, too. we were still free, in that sense, to choose to still live in joy and gratitude, even if and despite of.
this little prayer/mantra above-- along with several other resources i found on the net just to keep my mind diverted from present circumstances and to focus on reaching out for higher, better things and times to come, to sustain hope-- is attributed to Tony Robbins but im not so sure, as i forgot now where i first found it.
anyway, the use of the prayer/mantra is more effective if written at least 20x a day, 10x in the morning and 10x in the evening just before retiring. (one could do more, of course.)
anyway, just to keep myself from totally giving in to despair, i played this little game/experiment with my self by following the instructions (what more could i lose anyway?). and so i wrote the mantra 20x a day in my journal as instructed, even as i was still feeling fearful and anxious everyday.
gradually, though, the physical act of writing it down and focusing on it for at least 20x a day caused changes in me, particularly in my mental state and focus and in my outlook.
the physical act of writing it down made it more and more real, even if just in my mind.
i started thinking, seeing and behaving as if God's Wealth is really in my life, right now.
i started being and feeling more grateful and less fearful. because of the shift in my consciousness and focus, i started seeing more opportunities and doors opening where i would have previously not seen before.
because of this, i started acting more confident, optimistic and proactive, following inspired hunches, keeping faith and continuing to treat people well, despite circumstances and other people's trying behaviors.
more and more, this mantra, along with other tools i learned along the way, helped me clear and heal my self of old, outworn and error thoughts and habits about living life, and living Life Abundantly, even as i developed a deeper, richer spiritual life and relationship with my God.
today, five and a half years later, i am able to take a year's unpaid leave off from my regular job, and just follow my heart, doing what i've always wanted to do-- writing, traveling, enjoying my kids and home and friends, loving and being loved by my Special Someone, totally free to remarry again if i choose to as my previous marriage has been annulled both legally and sacramentally and (surprise, surprise!) even having a friendly, peaceful relationship with the ex (!).
i've also won two national awards along the way for two children's stories i've written and which were subsequently published to critical and market success in my country, aside from having grown two or three more separate but complementary and parallel careers which provide me with multiple streams of income.
now, i'm just basically taking even better care of my self as i discern and explore the next steps and my succeeding Path in Life for me.
i created this blog to share with others that indeed, a Life of Abundance is possible and close at hand!
i also created this blog to share all the many lessons and tools i've learned along the way to create this Abundant Life.
i hope i am able to pay it forward in this way, too.